


Obito has had enough

by Sheeswee



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack Fic, Help, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-18 22:17:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16127876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sheeswee/pseuds/Sheeswee
Summary: Started out with a real plot now we’re uh, here





	Obito has had enough

Obito has had enough.  
Well, to be short, first there was a cat. Sweet little thing, slept in his house when she came through the window he could never close — seriously, he was stronger than any shinobi he’d met, what the hell was this window made of? — and he had named the cat Ms. Kamui.  
And it was NOT a stupid or cheesy name, it was actually a rather good name.  
Anyways, he had a wonderful relationship with Ms. Kamui, he ate his sandwiches, she ate the crust, etc.  
But one day she became Mrs. Kamui. And she had kittens. Many.  
-  
First he tried Naruto. Resident animal lover furry, always open to house new people.  
“Ah! I’m sorry Obito-san, I’m going off on a mission and I’ll be away for a while!” The blonde said, kittens crawling on every  
i n c h  
of him.  
Obito sighed. “It’s fine. And drop the honorifics, making me feel old.”  
“You are.” Naruto shot back. Brat.  
-  
“Hey, Sakura?”  
She glanced up to him, eyes heavy with exhaustion.  
“Hey Obito-san, what do you need?”  
His eye twitched.  
“Drop the san, please.”  
She smiled, head drooping. “Yes of course, it’s just we’ve had people in and out of the hospital for days. It’s flu season, I haven’t rested much.”  
He smiled awkwardly at her. Other than the one time they’d worked together in the past, he wasn’t very familiar with her and didn’t want to drop the kittens on her when she was so overworked.  
“Ah, I was just dropping by..” he said, backing away. “Good luck with your shift.”  
-  
“Hey Sasuke, would you-“  
“No.”  
-  
Kakashi. Always fucking Kakashi.  
His apartment smelled like dog and wasn’t in the best shape.  
“Look at me,” Kakashi gestured to his dog hair coated clothes. “I’m not fit to have cats. I appreciate it, but can’t you just... be responsible for once?”  
Obito dropped the basket of kittens and stepped toward Kakashi angrily.  
“You think I don’t have experience herding kittens? What the hell do you think running the Akatsuki was like? They couldn’t do a damn thing in their lives!”  
Kakashi put up his hands nonchalantly, obviously wanting to get Obito out so he could nap, or do whatever it is Kakashi does in his spare time.  
“Well this could help your reputation, don’t you think? I’ll be blunt, you’re alive as a courtesy, and most civilians are terrified of you. Maybe the heartless killer raising kittens could help your image..?”  
Obito could see it now. Children in the streets running up to Obito who was pushing his four kittens in a baby stroller.  
“Obito-sama, Can I pet your kittens?”  
“You’re so responsible Obito!”  
“We love you Obito!”  
...  
Hmmm, he thought. Maybe yes, maybe this was a good thing.  
“Yeah, yeah sounds good!” He was nodding now, face lighting up, and Kakashi seemed relieved.  
“Anyways, I was thinking of going grocery shopping, so if you would..”  
Obito beamed.  
“Come with?”  
“I was going to say leave, but I guess I can tolerate your existence a little while longer.”  
It’s a date!  
-  
“Why the FUCK  
are there so many brands of cat food?!” Obito exclaimed, holding a pack in each hand. “Thank god I don’t need to eat, what a hassle. I mean, I do most of the time- old habits die hard and food is good but-“  
Kakashi pointed to the pack in his left hand.  
“This is a good brand. They make dog treats that my ninken like.”  
Obito squinted at it.  
“Dogs and cats are different, Bakashi. Honestly, don’t you know even simple facts?”  
“At least I graduated.”  
-  
The kittens were all asleep on Kakashi’s couch when they got back.  
“Okay, I’m tired so you should go now.”  
Obito rolled his eyes.  
“Quick to kick me out, huh? At least Naruto puts up with me, although it’s more to get  
f ree ramen  
out of me than to get along.” Obito clapped his hands. “Well, I’m out!”  
The kittens were fast asleep, a mound of fur and ears on Kakashi’s couch.  
And Obito decided in the moment that yes, he does have a heart and yes, it is melting.  
“I can’t just move them!” He whisper-  
yaelled,  
"They’re so peaceful..”  
Kakashi stood suddenly. “Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?”  
Obito looked up at him sharply.  
“Uhm. What?”  
Kakashi shook his head, dazed.  
“Sorry, I don’t.. was I just possessed?”  
Obito narrowed his eyes and backed up a step.  
“Fucking creep. Mr. Krabs? Seriously? What kind of name is that? Everyday I cry tears of blood for the Love I lost. My heart is an empty hole where I once had hope, and this reality can never fill it.”  
“That’s rough buddy.”  
“Anyways,” Obito murmured. “Wanna fuck?”  
Kakashi nodded vigorously. “FINALLY.”  
Sincerely, Obito.  
A loud explosion occurred.  
“What was that?” Kakashi asked, mouth full of ducks.  
Obito seemed very upset.  
“Can you just like.. suck my dick and stop letting autocorrect ruin this?”  
Kakashi spat out feathers. “Delicious.”  
Obito shrugged his shoulders. “Well thankfully I have wood style so I can get back in the mood. Morning wood really is ‘morning wood’.” He laughed at his own pun, extremely unfunny.  
Kakashi gamed. “Minecraft is for true intellectuals.”  
Obito’s three foot dong was screaming.  
He was also screaming. Everyone was screaming.  
Kakashi was screaming only because a creeper killed him in Minecraft. “I HAVE AN IQ OF 340! SHUT UP NOOB!!”  
Then suddenly Obito started dancing a  
horrible mix of the cotton eye Joe and the Macarena. “Where are the dotitos BITCH!!”  
“YOUR MOM IS MY SLAVE!!” Kakashi screamed into the mic. “YOURE A NOOB VIRGIN.”  
Obito was personally offended because he, too, was a Virgin. 

Then FINALLY Obito got dick. But not what he thought. It was... SEBASTIAN FROM BLACK BUTLER????  
Obito was shoved into a corset, his intestines squeezing. He thought back to the rock and thought to himself ‘I’d rather die one hundred times than be a Barbie doll figure like this’.  
Sebastian was done and he slapped Obito’s back and caused the whole corset to snap and fly off. Suddenly, OBITO WAS MEGA RIPPED!  
Kakashi dropped his controller. “Obito? That’s so hot!! Take me now!!!”  
His dream had come true. They made love all night, loud, passionate and mysteriously wet. Very very wet.  
Sebastian watched. Always. Forever.

The next day they discovered the sex was SO wet that fish had begun spawning in the room.  
Kakashi yelled in excitement, “JUST LIKE MINECRAFT!”  
The end


End file.
